An Excerpt from Strength for Today...

This article can be found in Strength For Today, Hope for Tomorrow: Life after Infant Lossa publication of Women Helping Women, Bethany Baptist Church's infant loss ministry. 




By Amanda Wilton

I have been pregnant three times. I have one child at home and one in the womb. This fact has taken me on quite the journey since January 2010. I’d like to share with you a bit of my experience, and what God has taught me through it.

January marks the beginning. A new year. A fresh start. For me, it had always meant these things, until 2010. My husband, Dan, and I spent New Year’s Eve 2009 driving through a blizzard from Detroit to Peoria. We had a full moving truck, two golden retrievers, a baby in my belly and the promise that God would never leave us nor forsake us. After much prayer, we had made the decision to move, though it made very little sense to anyone including us. But, God’s ways often make little sense to our finite minds. As Abraham had been directed to go, “not knowing where he was going,” we went (Hebrews 11:8).  We did not have jobs or money, but we saw our unborn child as God’s stamp of approval, His blessing on our move of faith. It indeed was the beginning of something new.

Just three days after arriving in Peoria I had a miscarriage. My entire world fell apart. I questioned whether God was really good, whether He really loved me, whether anything I formerly thought to be true, really was. My new year, my fresh start had turned into a horrible nightmare. I could not understand how losing a child could ultimately bring glory to God or how it could be for my good. Sure, Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose,” but surely He did not mean this. People say time heals all wounds. With this particular tragedy, I felt that each day only brought a constant reminder of the gaping hole I now had in my heart.  

Along with losing my baby, I found myself in a new, unfamiliar town.  My husband had grown up here, but I knew no one. I felt alone and isolated. But, this feeling did not last for long, as God’s body—the church—began to minister to my hurting soul, whether I liked it or not. Women I did not know began calling me, dropping off meals, inviting me over. Sometimes we would talk about my loss, but most often we would just be. They cried with me. They prayed for me. They loved me when I was at my most unlovable. Soon, I was unable to deny the fact that my hurt was being tenderly cared for with the salve of Christ’s love in action.  

Now I can firmly state that the unthinkable has happened within me.  I can proclaim to you that God IS good, He DOES love me, and He NEVER fails! It was unfathomable for me to think that I might one day thank God for taking my first baby home to be with Him. But, friends, it is true. I can thank Him—maybe not for my loss—but for what it has taught me about who He is and just how much He loves me. When tragedy strikes, often our first question is “WHY?” Job, after much affliction, dared to ask God that question. God’s mighty response from the whirlwind did not answer the question why, but WHO. God asks Job the rhetorical question over and over again throughout chapters 38-40, who is it that “laid the foundations of the earth,” “set the measurements,” “has given understanding to the mind,” “satisfies the appetite of the young lions,” and “has an arm like God.” WHO is it? It is the unchanging, never failing, great I AM (Exodus 3:14).

I have learned this lesson, the art of asking the right question, though it was a slow and ever-so-painful process. I have learned that God’s promise is true when He says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2). He does not promise the waters won’t ever come or the flames won’t burn bright, but He does promise He will be with us. This provides great comfort, for with God on our side we are “more than conquerors” (Romans 8:37).  

Each year since my first baby’s passing has brought me fuller understanding of WHO God is. With the birth of our precious Michaela Berniece, whose name means, “Who is like God, the Bringer of Victory,” I felt a deep victory over the lies Satan had spun to me. And now, as I carry our third baby inside of me, I often ponder the question WHO is God? My third baby has yet to be born, and I pray every day it might be God’s will for me to hold this child here on earth. Yet, if His way should not be my way, my prayer is that He will grant me the strength to still proclaim His goodness. Today, I am learning more about the character of the Father, that He can indeed be trusted, and that He can turn what seems to be a nightmare into something that is pure gold. “But He knows the way I take; when He has tried me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).


Amanda Wilton is an aspiring mommy blogger, a wife to dan, a pastor at Living Hope Community Church, mom of two, loves to wear wedges and is in phase one of dying her hair blonde. She loves Jesus.

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Women Helping Women is a ministry of Bethany Baptist Church that seeks to encourage women and couples grieving infant loss with the hope of the gospel. 

Physical resources are available at church and area hospitals and obstetric/gynecological offices. Strength For Today, Hope for Tomorrow: Life after Infant Loss is the ministry’s newly revised booklet included with keepsake boxes and bags. These books can be found in the “Resources to Own” area of the Bethany library. 

What is in an infant loss bag? The new booklet, “Safe in the Arms of Jesus” ornament, and a note from Women Helping Women. A memory keepsake box with all items minus the gown is also available. These bags and boxes are appropriate to give to anyone grieving any type of infant loss.  

Would you like to volunteer in the ministry? Do you like to crochet, knit, or sew? Local women create blankets and stillbirth gowns for our keepsake boxes. All materials and directions are provided. 

Work nights to package these resources are the 3rd Monday of each month in Room 815 at Bethany from 7-9 pm. No skills are necessary.  

If you or someone you know is grieving the loss of an infant, you would like one of the resources, or if you would like to use you skills to create blankets or gowns or help during a work night, please contact the office through our website or call (309) 692-1755



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